“Just put back the car keys or somebody’s gonna get hurt. Who are you calling at this hour? Sit down, come round, I need you now. We’ll work it all out, together. But we’re getting nowhere tonight. Now sleep, I promise it’ll all seem better somehow in time.” – Imogen Heap
Having your heart broken is one of the most painful experiences you could ever go through in life. That’s why I think everyone should have their heart broken at least once. Negativity like that only paves the way for growth, learning, and more self love than you ever thought was possible.
But when you are going through it, living with a broken heart feels like dying over and over again. It hurts. A lot.
So how can you lessen that pain?
Below are some of the things I did to help me through my first heart break. Maybe they will offer some comfort to you as well.
This cool dude was my go-to for pulling myself out of my post-breakup blues. You can find videos on so many topics, all of which dealing with self care and your place in the universe. He talks about how to deal with your emotions, meditation, how to let go and move on…and we havn’t even had breakfast yet. Can I get a hello! On the bad days when I could see no good in the world and felt so alone, I would sit down and watch his videos and know that I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t the only one who had my heart broken. His videos filled me with nothing but peace and love.
Block them on all social media
This one’s hard. Like smothering a loved one to death with a pillow. But it’s just something you might have to do in order to move on. If I hadn’t blocked my ex on social media, I would never have moved on with my life. Blocking them on social media means severing all ties you have with that person. And let me tell you, if someone says you can be just friends with someone you once loved, then they weren’t in love with their ex, because you can never ever view someone you once loved as just a friend. If you truly had feelings, in my experience, you just can’t. If you can break the attachment you have for that person, you will move on much faster. Blocking them is a quick way to break that attachment. Out of sight, out of mind.
“So what you say we give it up and walk away. Nothing to salvage anyway.” – Imogen Heap
When you think of them immediately think of something else
The good old divergent thought technique. When your mind drifts to your ex, especially the emotionally charged memories, whether good or bad, be vigilant and switch your thought process to something else. If you follow those rabbit holes, you will end up in an emotional pining stage again. Do this enough and you will train your brain not to go there. Of course it’s ok to drift back into those memories every once in a while. It’s healthy to miss them. I mean, you did love them at one point. But this technique ensures you don’t end up staying there. Out of mind, out of emotions.
“You see this cup? This is literally my favorite cup. [He throws it through the window, shattering the window.] Now it’s gone forever. So it’s not real, and I don’t care about it anymore.” – Adventure Time
Hang out with your best friends
Friends and family are there to catch you when you fall. You’ve built up a social web of support, and now is the time to use it. So call up some of your best friends, plan a fun night out on the town where you can get all dressed up and feel fabulous. Flirt with new people. It feels good knowing you are wanted after being rejected by someone you cared about. Even if nothing comes of the flirting, sometimes you just need a good confidence boost after a brutal breakup. Or maybe you’re more into staying at home. That’s fine too. Plan a girl’s night with your favorite movies, snacks, and people. Have fun like you used to back before you met that person who broke your heart. Let them help you take your mind off of it for a night.
Take care of your physical self
Yep. Exercise. It will release endorphins, which make you happy. You can get out your frustrations and anger at your ex by working your fluff into tuff. And you’ll look bangin’! Just make sure you’re not doing it out of revenge or so that your ex will want you back. That is not a healthy way to think of it. Do it for you!
Rediscover who you are
I’ve talked about this in my post, For Those Afraid Of Love. When we enter into a relationship, sometimes the I becomes We and your autonomy is lost. After spending so much time with someone, you begin to base everything on your life around them, so when they leave, you may end up missing their routine, their habits, and their personality. But don’t forget that you are a complete person all by yourself. You were there before them and you will be there long after them. Rediscover your favorite hobbies, your favorite foods. Go to your favorite museum or library. Reread one of the books that helped make you who you are. I think that you will find comfort in finding yourself again. Fall in love with that person all over again and love yourself first.
Take time to be alone
As much as you may be tempted to go overboard with going out and keeping your mind occupied, you must also allow yourself some time to be alone. Lest you become one of those people who feel uncomfortable with themselves and the silence of being only with yourself. Spending time alone gives your mind an opportunity to work through all those complicated feelings. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to work on something, work on it, but doing it alone will rebuild your trust in yourself. It will rebuild your confidence and give you an opportunity to forgive yourself. This level of healing is best done alone.
I was always skeptical of therapy. What could they do that my friends couldn’t? Well, it turns out, a lot. Talking to a trained professional will help you sort out all those complicated feelings inside of you. Most importantly, they offer valuable coping skills that can ease the pain of dealing with the loss. They become an anchor in your life, a constant that you can plan on and work with to boost yourself back onto the right path, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. To find a therapist near you, try Psychology Today. That’s how I found mine! And not all therapists are the same, so if you find one you don’t work well with, you can always shop around until you find the perfect fit.
Dont listen to triggering songs until you feel okay
Music can be a huge trigger for pain and pining. You’re driving along, minding your own business, and then a song comes on the radio and ruins your whole day. Maybe it was “your song”. Maybe the lyrics struck the perfect agonizing nerve. Whatever the reason, it can ruin your whole day. Try avoiding the music you listened to with that person to avoid entering that mindset. Instead, try finding new music that can serve to pump you up and make you feel great about yourself. My go to song after my painful breakup was Woman by Kesha. And months after the breakup, when I was truly doing okay, I heard a Post Malone song and the lyrics made me spiral back into that mindset of thinking about my ex. It happens. But when it does, there’s no reason you have to stay in that place. Change the station. Hit the next button. Or practice one of the tips above and change your thought to something else. Replacing those painful thoughts with something else will help those triggering songs become less of a trigger.
Stop thinking about what could have been
“The origin of suffering is attachment.” – Buddha’s Second Noble Truth
It’s the hope that kills you. I’ll let this post do the talking for this point. When things are over, let them go. Pain only lasts as long as you hold onto it.
Thanks for reading. If you’re going through a difficult breakup, I’m sorry, but don’t worry. It will get better. Trust me! I thought I would never find love again, and now I am with someone who truly respects me and treats me with so much love and adoration. Keep your head high and remember to keep loving yourself first and foremost.
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Take care, and don’t forget to take your medications!